Setting: A. and Ezmy are about to settle into another episode of The West Wing. Ezmy is sitting on the couch with tea. A. enters the room carrying a plate laden with sriacha, pita and spicy hummus. This is one of A.’s favourite evening snacks. He places the plate on the couch alongside his iPad. His sleeping bag is sitting next to the couch. The perfect night awaits him…

A.: *frowning, still standing in front of the couch* “Hmpf.”

Ezmy: “You’re trying to figure out how to access the plate of good stuff, be in the sleeping bag and hold the iPad all at once, aren’t you?”

A.: “Well, the iPad is easy.” *moves the iPad to the back of the couch*

(long pause)

A.: “Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.”

Ezmy: “Well I was concerned.”

A.: “Aha!” *jumps into sleeping bag, places plate on lap with sriracha bottle snuggled between the couch cushions, easily accessible* “Success.”

(Ezmy presses ‘play’)

A.: “This isn’t the right episode. I fell asleep during last night’s episode, see. We need to go back to that one.”

Ezmy: “Huh. Well that one is on the other side of the disc.”

(long pause)

A.: *frowning* “Hmpf.”

(Ezmy can see the dilemma here. A. is in his sleeping bag, ready to go. He does not want to get up. But he also does not want to skip ahead to an episode he isn’t ready for yet. Ezmy could, of course, help him out by switching the disc herself. But where would the fun be in that?)

(long pause)

A.: *sigh* “Fine, I’ll switch it.”

(A. switches disc and returns to sleeping bag to re-cozy himself. Ezmy presses ‘play’)

A.: “Argh! I did see this one!”

(long pause)

(A. grumbles, gets up and switches disc again. A. then returns to couch to re-cozy himself for a third time, this time in rather dramatic fashion)

(Ezmy chuckles to herself)

A.: *muttering under his breath* “Right, so where is our other friend? He’s useless anyway…maybe he’s dead.”

clicky click click

A.: *muttering under his breath* “It’s that goddamn bear. I had to use all of my fucking potions because of that goddamn bear.”

click clicky click

A.: *muttering under his breath* “Oh, I see. So I just have to kill this guy alone, eh? Well that’s bullshit. Why am I even here? These guys were all like ‘hey let’s go!’ and now we’re here, well I’m here, and where are they? Nowhere, that’s where.”

clicky clicky clicky clicky clicky clicky CLICKY CLICKY CLICKY

A.: *muttering under his breath* “well, fuck.”

Ezmy: “so, uh, how’s it going over there?”

A.: *muttering under his breath* “You know, I feel as though there should be some reward in this room. I suspect there won’t be.”

Ezmy: “I’m sorry to hear that, dear. I still think you’re awesome.”

A.: *grumble*

When Budsie was about 6 months old, people started asking me if we were going to have a second baby. Two kinds of people tend to ask this question at the 6 month mark: crazy people and people without children. My response to these individuals was to direct their attention to my bloodshot eyes, my worn out and literally broken body, the fact that I hadn’t showered since g*d knows when, and the fact that I hadn’t been alone with my husband for 6 months thus making the production of a second baby impossible. Even the crazies let me be.

Budsie is 19 months old now though and he’s doing fantastically well. He sleeps well, he eats well and he seems happy all the time. “Job well done”, say perfectly reasonable folk, “so how about that second?”

Huh. How ABOUT that second?

Deciding to have a second baby is, in my mind, similar to deciding to voluntarily inject yourself with an unpredictable flu virus. You’ve had the flu before so you have some idea of the awfulness to expect, but this time things could get extra nutty. Or not. Who knows? It’s positively frightening. So much more frightening than with a first baby because you know the hell you are inviting on yourself. Oh sure, you thought you knew the first time, but you didn’t really know did you? People said, “pregnancy can be really hard on the body” and you thought, “oh but I’ll do yoga the whole time and things will be glorious.” But you didn’t do yoga – you were on bedrest for 12 weeks so instead you developed a jelly bean ‘problem’ and melted your brain watching ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’. People said “you’ll never sleep you know” and you thought, “yes, yes but it will be a labour of love and anyway, don’t babies sleep all the time? I’ll be fine.” But you weren’t fine – you spent months on the edge of insanity, just barely cobbling together enough energy to make toast because it turns out that yes, babies do sleep “all the time” but “all the time” means for 5-10 minute stretches, after which they want to eat…AGAIN!

Or maybe that was just me.

Anyway, second babies are frightening.

In other number two news, Budsie has started to tell me all about his number twos, which I’m told is a good thing. I tell you, it’s a twisted world I live in where talking about poo is a good thing. A twisted world.

(singing in the car, waiting for Fialonia)

Ezmy: I’m feeling mighty lonesome, haven’t slept a wink.

Budsie: ink!

Ezmy: I walk the floor…

Budise: flo!

Ezmy: and watch the door…

Budsie: dowr!

Ezmy: and in between I drink, black coffee…

Budsie: caca!

Ezmy: Love’s a hand-me-down broom.

Budise: boom!

Ezmy: I’ll never know a Sunday, in this weekday room.

Budise: woom!

(This carried on for the entire song, Budsie shouting the words he knew along the way. The best part was the end…)

Ezmy: It’s driving me crazy…

Budise: ZEEZEE!

Ezmy: this waiting for my baby…

Budsie: BABY!!

Ezmy: to maybe come around….

Budsie: oooOOOOWWWnd!

*heart*

Scene: A. and Ezmy are heading into the living room to watch an episode from the second season of West Wing. A. has just heated up a tasty smelling bowl of Frenchie’s French Onion Soup and Ezmy is enjoying a boring old glass of water as part of her ‘no more cheesy toast before bed’ resolution. Stupid resolutions and their lack of appreciation for the joy that is late night cheesy toast.

Ezmy: *sits on couch with boring glass of water* 

A.: *about to sit on couch with tasty smelling soup* “Oooooh! I just made up a new word!”

Ezmy: “Um…what? What’s the word?”

A.: “‘Suspicionate’!”

Ezmy: “How would you spell that?”

A.: “Suspicion. And then ‘-ate’.”

Ezmy: “Of course. And how did you think of it?”

A.: “Oh, I was just thinking about words I could make up.”

Ezmy: “…”

A.: “You know, as you do.”

Ezmy: “Right, as you do.”

A.: “Check this out.”

Ezmy: *looks up from her address book task. Sidebar: Ezmy resolves to have an address book on her computer like most people in the 21st century. She is tired of losing her hardcopy one* “Hmm?”

A.: “I’ve been playing this thing for awhile. And yet I haven’t been to this city *highlights city icon*, or this one *highlights city icon*, or this one *highlights city icon*…”

Ezmy: “Wait, is that a uterus?”

A.: “No. It’s a badass guy with horns. Anyway, I also haven’t been to this one *highlights city icon* or…”

Ezmy: “Go back to the uterus one.”

A.: *ignoring Ezmy* “…this one *highlights city icon*. That’s five major cities I haven’t even visited!”

Ezmy: “Go back to the uterus one.”

A.: *sighs and highlights the uterus one*

Ezmy: “It looks like a uterus.”

A.: “No, it’s horns. Horny horns.”

Ezmy: *snicker*

Financial Wizardry Effort #1: Find a good book that will help with the basics.

Here, I’ve  selected three books, all of which come highly recommended. The first is ‘The Wealthy Barber Returns” (mostly because I couldn’t find a copy of “The Wealthy Barber”). The second is “Sleep Easy Investing”. I like the tone of this one already. Actually I like the tone of most how-to-rid-yourself-of-debt-and-become-financially-savvy books. Almost all of them (correctly) assume the reader is an idiot. The third book is one of those ‘For Dummies’ books, which I would generally not be enthused about but after reading a few sections, this one seems promising. It’s called “78 Tax Tips for Canadians for Dummies” and will I think prove particularly useful when I have to do my small business taxes come April. I should note that the irony of purchasing books about saving money when one is trying to save money has not escaped me. However, my local library was lacking in this department. Such is life.

All in all, a successful first effort I’d say. Now to actually read these badboys…

In other news, I’ve eaten my son’s weight in chocolate and eggnog over the last couple of days (well, over the last couple of weeks but I’ve really hit my stride now) and can no longer get my jeans on. How the HELL is an unassuming beverage like eggnog capable of such massive physical destruction? Curses! No matter, however, as tomorrow is the first day of (Re)Train for Half Marathon fun times. I will have to go back to running around the block at first but I’ve been there before.

Finally, A. and I are re-watching the West Wing series and I would just like to say: I LOVE YOU, CJ!

That is all.

…this time I’m sure of it!

Last year’s little resolution project was fairly successful. I won’t get into run-down details (these would likely bore you to tears, to say nothing of the fact that doing so would take an obscene amount of time, time much better spent on the giganto Globe and Mail crossword on the floor in front of me), but I will say this: with a 72% success rate, I managed to get a lot accomplished and learn a little about myself along the way. And isn’t that the point of these things? Of course it is.

This year, I’m shying away from daily resolutions in light of the fact that a) I have a toddler who is 100% hellbent on killing himself, b) I’m finally defending my MA thesis, c) ‘Ezmy Writes’ is getting busier (yaya!), and d) I’m planning for a big move (more on that at a later date).

So what will I be talking about? Oh the usual ramblings. But in addition to these, I’m going to dedicate this year primarily to learning more about the world of finance. Because you know what I hate? The feeling that I’m missing something in conversations about money/business/investments etc. Sure, I nod grimly during discussions about S&P (which until very recently I assumed were discussions about seasonings) and, thanks to resolutions made in 2011, I am now a budgeting genius, guiding my family towards a life free from student loan debt. But I know I could be doing better. Therefore, at least once each week, I’m going to learn something new about investments and stocks and bonds and what the hell the Dow Jones index is. I’m going to read the business section of newspapers, and not just so I can look smart at a coffee shop. I’m going to use words like ‘portfolio’ and ‘mutual funds’ and ‘futures’ and know what the hell I’m saying.

That’s the plan anyway.

For now, however, I’m going to go make a cup of tea and pick up the shiny new book I received for Christmas entitled ‘Half-Blood Blues’. Oh how I love holiday reading!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

If you are checking in right now, please excuse the mess. I’m fiddling with some new looks and ideas. A shiny new post and a shiny new blog theme for the year will be posted shortly.

Toodles!

December, in my personal opinion, is not the time to be resolving to do anything. Particularly if one is the mother of an 18 month old. An 18 month old who, while adorable and obviously perfect, is insane and trying to kill me.

No, December is the time for taking stock of what has happened this past year. Accomplishments, failures, inspriations, etc. In the spirit of taking stock, this is part one of a few posts that will be dedicated to seeing just how well/badly this resolution project went (doing this has the added benefit of buying me time to decide what next year’s posts will be dedicated to…).

Let’s start with February, shall we? In February I resolved to do the following:

1. Write when baby sleeps – Done. And relatively successfully, I might add. New regular blogging gig with Torstar’s Winefox and a few good editing gigs as well. Hooray for productivity!
2. Answer phone always – I’d give this an 85% success rate. I really, really hate the phone.
3. Put on pants – Very successful. And I’ve had a super fun time wearing dresses and fun tights and skirts for no reason. I highly recommend putting on pants.
4. Learn to program heater – Check! *sitting in toasty room as we speak*
5. Get drunk occasionally – Definite check. :P
6. Eat dried beans – Totally unsuccessful. Boo. Better luck next year.
7. Take vitamins – Again, I’d say an 85% success rate. I forget some days but I’m pretty decent at this.
8. Put the DVDs and CDs in the right cases – Very successful. You’re welcome, A.
9. Find a place to keep bus tickets – One of the most successful and helpful resolutions. No longer do I frantically search for purple tickets. They are always where they are supposed to be. Woot!
10. Read books – Here, the goal was to read 52 from the BBC booklist. I read 30 books, and only some were from this list. Still, not bad. I discovered some awesome titles (The Great Gatsby, for example) and that I don’t always like what everyone else seems to find awesome (Love in the Time of Cholera, for example). Perhaps 52 will be possible next year…
11. Listen to music – I’d say 75% success rate here, due in part to the death of our stereo. I did expose Budise to some pretty wicked music this year. This pleases me.
12. Special Saturday breakfasts – Sometimes this was Sunday, if we had an appointment or I was feeling lazy. But this one was pretty easy to keep. Budsie favourite: blueberry pancakes topped with balkan-style yogurt. Yum!
13. Winterlude – Check!
14. Remember important dates using calendar – I gave up on the calendar but kept the date thing going with a notepad system. Total success, I think.
15. Dishwasher before bed – A 75% success rate. Not bad, not bad at all.
16. Stop eating Kraft peanut butter – 100% success, thank g*d.
17. Go for walks with Budsie – Also very successful. Budise and I have discovered parks, trails and fields, and generally had an awesome time on our little excursions.
18. Always have coffee – An unfortunate 95% success rate here – there were some troubling days in there…very troubling.
19. Fix the toilet – check (a few times, actually).
20. Stop eating Werther’s before bed – 100% successful. Woot!
21. Buy a plant and keep it alive – Both Edmund and Percy are still alive, although admittedly Edmund was looking a little rough for awhile there…still, check!
22. Drink water – Should have been easy, was in fact more challenging. About 85% success here I’d say.
23. Give myself a break – 50% success rate. Silly Ezmy.
24. Stay in better touch with my brother – check! Stayed at his place for two weeks in November and so many good times were had. Yaya!
25. Finish wedding thank yous – Done, although not by March. Pfft, still done though. Check!
26: Make bacon-wrapped dates – checkity tasty check!
27. Lose 10 lbs – Check and then some. Lost all 50lbs from pregnancy. Woot!

Phew! Sorry if that was dull. I’ll have interesting things to say again soon. December is my favourite but also my most tiring month. Off to stick 70 some odd stamps to 70 some odd letters….