>ezmy is running away. Here’s what she’s going to miss and what she has learned

>
So I’m excited. Why you ask? Because I’m running away. Running away to Ottawa. With a boy. A. in fact.

“But ezmy, you’ve only known A. for a minute!” Yes.
“And you haven’t been to Ottawa since you were 16!” This is true.
“And you can’t speak French!” No, I can’t.
“And you have no job and no money!” I’m aware.
“But…but…um” Yes?

Well, I didn’t say it was my most well-researched plan. But I’m excited. Good gut feeling about this one. Don’t laugh at me. Ten more days and I’ll be posting from my spiffy new apartment in Ottawa, my apartment with roommates: A., doodlebanger, and z-bone. Stay tuned.

I will say this though. I’m going to miss Wolfville. I’ll miss the crazy old bad-santa-looking man who wonders the streets of Wolfville mumbling to himself, the crowd of hooligans in front of the 24 hour Tims which is convienently located across the street from the police station, the “Valley Stove & Cycle” store (seriously, the store sells bikes and stoves), the independent video store which insists on sticking with VHS and has all of the best BBC specials, and the fact that this small town actually has a “Billy-Bobs Pizza” place. I’ll miss the friendly Just Us coffee staff who always remember that I’m a large medium. I’ll miss the soup at the Ivy Deck, the breakfast sausages at Paddy’s, the burger and pita fingers at Library Pub, the lobster mash at the Tempest, and the BLT at Joes. I’ll miss being able to walk across town in 10 minutes, and knowing that in that walk I’m guaranteed to meet someone I know. I’ll miss the fall. I’ll miss the fact that on any given sunny day, half the store owners are outside talking to each other. I’ll miss my pokey little apartment with its comforting leaky faucets, cozy cinderblock walls, and teeny weeny kitchen. I’ll miss the laundromat television. I’ll miss CJs cab company, who alway remember that I’m the girl with the cat and the apple on my door. I’ll miss Nellie, the woman who lived to be 108 and whose gravestone I walk by almost everyday. I’ll miss the spooge tree, which has become distinctly un-spoogy as of late. I’ll miss walking by the elementary school on my way to class. I’ll miss David, Rivers, Leah, Jenn, Ross, Kit, Dia, Colin, Danielle and anyone else I forgot here who will kill me later. I’ll miss the familiar smell of the BAC and most of all the bunker. I’ll miss the Political Science Department. Man will I miss the Political Science Department.

That’s what I’ll miss.

And what have I learned from my little Nova Scotian experience? Heaps.

What I have learned while living alone:
1) That leaving a spider under a glass for two days may not kill it.
2) That baking soda is a miracle worker.
3) That cat people are NOT crazy they are just misunderstood.
4) That if you dump a container of chili peppers on the counter, and they move, don’t eat them.
5) That I can fall asleep without “When Harry met Sally” on as background noise.
6) That it is possible to melt a pan to a stove.
7) That I enjoy doing the dishes and I love baking, but I hate taking the garbage out.
8) That salsa has a shelf life. So does wine.
9) That I’m strong enough to open my own peanut butter jars.
10) That I am not ready for small children.

What I have learned while writing my thesis in the bunker:
1) That Leah is definitely getting scurvy and may or may not want to biff her computer.
2) That Rivers is a multi-tasking prostitute with a brothel and a dead woman in his basement.
3) That purses mean sex.
4) That Ezmy’s desk was the best for checking out the Franceschets.
5) That Rivers is made out of sunshine and roses and all that is pure.
6) That Rivers is scared to death of the stapler (but does a fabulous impression of one).
7) That Rivers is a political whore.
8) That Leah will pass on the homebirth idea.
9) That Ezmy could be a virgin. You don’t know.
10) That no matter how hard they try, Leah, Ezmy and Rivers will a) always fight and b) never write.

What I have learned about myself, life, and love:
1) That I am a school nerd.
2) That DM taught me some of the best lessons I’ll ever learn.
3) That it is possible to love someone more than anything but that they might not be right for you or you for them.
4) That stress is the fastest way to kill weight and a relationship.
5) That I really, truly do love dancing for dancing and not just for the pick up factor.
6) That religion and spirituality are different.
7) That I am more bitter and jaded than I originally thought.
8) That when something crazy seizes me, I should always go with it.
9) That I can enjoy being alone, but ignoring the world will not make it go away.
10) That I’m going to be fine.

>off

>
Today has been one of those random days where I feel all…off.

It all started at 3am with a massive clap of thunder which jolted me out of bed, scaring the living daylights out of me. I’m generally a fan of thunder but not when it feels like it’s actually in my house and not when I’m in the middle of a nightmare in which I’m fighting some guy off of me with arms that feel like jello (think Harry Potter no-bones). It took me an hour, and a bit of ‘When Harry met Sally’, to fall back asleep.

Around 7am, an obviously crazy person ripped my alarm clock out of the wall and threw it at the laundry basket. I say obviously crazy because she managed to break the face off of said clock.

Around 10am, the phone woke me up and instead of just letting it ring, I leapt out of bed and fell flat on my face. I managed to get to the phone and I remember hearing a sexy voice on the other end but that is all. I then crawled back to the bedroom in significant pain.

From that point on I was awake but the day was all thrown off. Random people messaged me with random-type messages right off and I didn’t get coffee in my system within the first thirty minutes of waking so my head started pounding in typical drug addict fashion. Then I couldn’t think of anything funny slash intelligent to say to the second dose of sexy voice and ended up coming across as a bit ridiculous and a lot lame. Further, my entire house seems to be infested with tiny white spiders which is good because I was just starting to get used to the fact that nothing was wrong with my apartment. Sigh.

I’m thinking though, that it’s only 2pm. So perhaps things will get better.

>

Three years ago, I was in an unhealthy relationship. Well two actually but this story isn’t going to be about dairy products. Both of us were unhappy in our jobs, our living situations and our lives. We were going in different directions and we didn’t understand each others priorities. We tried the ill-advised long distance relationship and it failed of course, but not gracefully and the upshot of it all was that we didn’t speak for two years.

I now face a similar, if not somewhat messier situation, with my last partner. Together for over two years, almost all of which was spent living together, my ex and I had a roller-coaster relationship. We had wonderful times – mini-breaks to PEI and NB, late night discussions concerning the heart of our insecurities, and countless hours spent talking about our future. But for every hour spent this way, another was spent arguing. For my part, I was terrible at communicating and often flew off the handle for stupid things. For his part, he was also terrible at communicating and became, near the end, impossible to deal with. We parted ways four months ago, each with the expressed intent of salvaging what had become a very unique friendship. But hurt feelings have persisted on both sides and we’ve now reached a point where it seems that friendship is impossible.

My question then is this: Where does the love go when a relationship ends? Up until now, I have always tried to maintain contact with ex-partners. Why? Because even if there was a lot of hurt and silliness, the foundation is rarely destroyed for me. I can still remember why it is that I like this person, and I can still appreciate all of their great qualities. I still want to know what happens to them; I want to be there for them when things aren’t great and share in their excitement when things are going well. In the case of this most recent relationship, I put so much of my life into this person, became so immersed in their family, in their hopes and disappointments, in their insecurities, and planned so much in terms of the future – what was then our future – that I can’t believe I’m not going to know how it all turns out.

My answer to my own question is this: The love is still there, but it’s more a love of the experience than of the individual. You’re in love with the past. Like those friendships that you had at summer camp where you were the best of friends for two months and then never saw each other again but came away from it with a beautiful experience. Every person I’ve been with has taught me a little bit about myself and every interaction has been a useful and interesting experience. The most recent one provided some particularly harsh lessons, but I’m also coming away from it with some pretty fabulous memories. So while there’s still some anger to work through, I think I’ll ultimately find that I will love both the positives and the negatives of that relationship because of what I’ve become. But it’s more the past, less the person.

The result of this little thought process is that I’ll never stop caring and I’ll always hope that things turn out well for everybody concerned. But I’m going to let go and move on.

>should be sleeping

>1) Your Rock Star name: (first pet and current street name)

Baggins Pleasant. (folk rock I guess…yeesh)

2) Your Movie Star name: (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side and your favourite candy)

Helen JellyTots (hehe)

3) Your ‘Fly Girl/Guy” name: (first initial of first name and the first two or three letters of your last name)

A-Li

4) Your Detective name: (favourite animal and favourite colour)

Cat Black (huh, I like that)

5) Your Soap Opera name: (middle name and the city where you were born)

Caroline Prince George (egad)

6) Your Star Wars name: (first three letters of your last name, last three letters of your mum’s maiden name, and first three letters of your pet’s name)

Liv Lee Zoe

7) Your Jedi name: (middle name spelled backwards and your mum’s maiden name spelled backwards)

Enilorac Eel

8) Your Porn Star name: (middle name, father’s middle initial, and the street you grew up on)

Caroline I. Newcastle (100 year old pornstar I guess)

9) Your Superhero name: (‘The’, your favourite colour, and the automobile you drive)

The Black Shoe (oh boy)

10) Your Ghetto name: (first two letters of your first name, -Shawn/Quan/Quita/Niqua, last name of whatever Prime Minister is on the currency you pull out of your pocket)

AnQuita Elizabeth (remember the coins people)

>the consumer made me do it!

>
(Saw this awhile ago on The Purple Lullaby)

1) Grab the nearest book.
2) Open the book to page 123.
3) Find the fifth sentence.
4) Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5)Don’t search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

“As Barbara Briggs of the National Labor Committee observes, “Can we stop globalization? Can we reestablish borders and start producing stuff here in the U.S.? There’s increasing clarity that this is not going to happen, that going back to a non-globalized economy is not realistic.”

‘The United States of Wal-Mart’
By John Dicker

>boo f*^k day so this is what you get

>
Another meme from Vesper – will provide update of life shortly.

NAME UP TO THREE:

Song(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being
I’ll make love to you – Boys II Men
My Humps – Black Eyed Peas
Honey – Mariah Carey

Musical Artist(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being
Mariah Carey
Boys II Men (long gone I know, but I still shudder at the thought)
50 cent

Rolling Stones Song(s) I Love
Sympathy for the Devil
Brown Sugar
Love is Strong

Beatles Song(s) I Love
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
Something
Eleanor Rigby

Country Song(s) I Love
I walk the line – Johnny Cash
There’s your trouble – Dixie Chicks
Crazy – Patsy Cline

Movie Soundtrack(s) I Love
Notting Hill
Love Actually
Forrest Gump

Musical Sountrack(s) I Love
Singing in the Rain
Grease
Les Miserables

Cover Song(s) I Love
Across the Universe – Fiona Apple
Landslide – Tori Amos
Light my Fire – Shirley Bassey

Contemporary Top-40 Artist(s) I Secretly Love
Kelly Clarkson
Christina Aguilera
Avril Lavigne

Song(s) That Bring Me to Tears
Both Sides Now – Joni Mitchell
You were Mine – Dixie Chicks
Holiday in Spain – Counting Crows

Song(s) That Make Me Shake My Ass
I see you baby – Groove Armada
Hey Ya! – OutKast
Walking on Sunshine – Katrina and the Waves

Rap/Hip-Hop Song(s) I Love
Lose Yourself – Eminem
Just Lose It – Eminem
Stan – Eminem

70s Disco Song(s) I Love
Dancing Queen – ABBA
Heart of Glass – Blondie
Bad Girls – Donna Summer

70s Song(s) I Love
Cinnamon Girl – Neil Young
Big Yellow Taxi – Joni Mitchell
Go your own way – Fleetwood Mac

80s Song(s) I Love
It’s still rock and roll to me – Billy Joel
Where the streets have no name – U2
Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes

90s Song(s) I Love
Fell on Black Days – Soundgarden
Hand in My Pocket – Alanis Morrisette
Killing in the Name – Rage Against the Machine

00s Song(s) I Love
How I Could Just Kill A Man – Rage Against the Machine (Cover yes, I don’t care)
The Scientist – Coldplay
Kennedy Killed the Hat – Buck 65

Song(s) To Have Sex To
Turn me On – Norah Jones
Stupid Girl – Garbage
The Pot – Tool

>zoe

>

A day in the life of Zoe (aka Z-bone, Z-town, Zoe-burger, the Zoster):

5:00am

The human has been sleeping for far too long. I’ve been alone and quiet for a whole two hours now. It is time she woke up and played with me. I think I’ll just trot into her room and bat her on the nose for a bit. If that fails, I will bite her elbows.

5:02am

Huh. The human seems to have closed the door. This is a new development. I don’t like it. I think I’ll just scratch at the door for a bit to see if there has been some sort of mistake.

5:15am

Nope. No mistake. Huh. This does not make me happy. Indeed, I am furious. I think I’ll pee in her tub.

5:20am-8:00am

I am going to sit right here outside the bedroom door so that when she wakes up, she’ll trip right over me and break her neck…no wait, just her arm. She serves a useful purpose as provider of yogurt.

8:00am

She walked over me! OVER ME! She seems hell bent on ignoring me until she’s had some of that revolting liquid substance. My natural instincts tell me that this substance is poison. I hope it’s slow acting…I need the yogurt. Hey wait! She’s eating yogurt. I need some of that action.

8:02am

The human is still ignoring me and eating ALL of the yogurt. I think I’ll scale her like a tree and see if she can continue to ignore me. Bwahahah.

8:04am

The human made a hideous sound when I climbed up her back. But instead of taking the hint and giving me yogurt, she has put me in the bathroom and closed the door. Sigh. I think I’ll chew on her toothbrush.

8:14am

The human has decided to let me out. I pretend to care deeply that I’ve hurt her. Perhaps this will secure me some yogurt.

8:30am

YOGURT!

8:35am

Time to check out the sexy cat in the window. I’ll try meowing really loudly this time. It didn’t work yesterday or the 150 days before that, but today might be different.

9:00am

Time to play with the human. We have this game where I hide behind stuff and she walks into the room and I leap up and attack her leg. She loves it.

10:00am-11:00am

The human is sitting at her desk working which means that it is time for morning exercises. I’ll run from one window to the next for an hour pausing only to scare the human. I am exceptionally scary when I poof up.

11:00am-5:00pm

Phew. I’m exhausted. Where’s that black shirt I enjoy sleeping on so much?

5:00pm

There is another cat in the bedroom! And I don’t like the look of it.

5:01pm

I have scared the other cat with my ultra scary poofy self. HaHA!

5:05pm

AH! There’s another cat in the bedroom! And I don’t like the look of it.

5:06pm

HoHO! I have scared the other cat with my ultra scary poofy self. Oddly, when I tried to hit her, she felt like the window. She must be an alien cat.

5:10pm

AH! There’s another cat in the bedroom! And I don’t like the look of it.

5:11pm

The cat in the bedroom is obviously magical and therefore evil. I tried to chase her behind this skinny piece of furniture and she disappeared. Then there she was again! Thankfully, I was able to scare her with my ultra scary poofy self.

5:15pm

Time to pretend to care about the human. I feel it’s important to sacrifice at least five minutes out of my day for this chore. She seems to like it. I’m so wonderful.

5:20pm

Enough of that.

5:21pm

OOOH the human is filling the water container. YES! Time to lick the bathroom sink tap!

5:30pm-6:00pm

Phew, I’m exhausted. The human has laid out the most comfortable pair of black pants on her bed. Time to nap.

6:00pm

I must clean myself! Gawd! How did I get this dirty!?!?

6:02pm-7:00pm

ZZZZzzzz

7:01pm

AGH! I must clean myself! How did I get this dirty!? Ick ick ick.

7:03pm-9:00pm

ZZZzzzz

9:01pm

The human is reading out loud again. Nothing is more irritating than listening to her read out loud. My cold steely stare is ineffective. Bah. I’m leaving.

9:05pm

You know, it’s high time I began cleaning myself again. I get ridiculously dir…MOTHS! THERE ARE MOTHS! I must catch all of the moths.

9:09pm

Phew. Ok NOW I can clean myself. I just don’t know where all of this dir…MOTHS! THERE’S ANOTHER ONE! I MUST HAVE IT!

9:20pm

In my attempt to catch the moth, I landed in my water bowl. Not my most dignified moment. The human is laughing at me. I must remember to throw up on her bed later.

9:24pm

Why is my ass so wet!? Well nevermind. I can finally go back to cleaning all of this dir…MOTHS! THERE ARE MOTHS! I must have them all!

10:00pm

Time to sit in the window and wait. Something will happen.

10:01pm

JUNE BUGS!

11:00pm

You know, it’s been awhile since I visited the human. She’s probably lonely. Look at her working over there. I know! I’ll go sit on her chest. That way I’ll be right next to the warm box she’s working with.

11:03pm

The human has moved me to her pillow which is not where I want to be. I will try sticking my bum in her face this time. She’ll love that. All animals love that.

11:05pm

Once again I have been re-located to the pillow beside the human. Fine. I’m going to go scratch up her suitcases and pull the lace out of her dress.

11:10pm

In the washroom again. Sigh.

11:20pm

Again am forced to pretend I care.

11:21pm-11:30

Phew, I’m hungry.

11:30-12:30am

Time to sit and stare at the human. I like to sit on the floor at the end of the bed and just peer over the edge of the bed at her. I think it freaks her out. Sometimes pieces of paper come flying up in air and I chase them and bring them back to her. Sometimes I just stare.

12:30am-2:30am

Time for night watch. Lots of goings on out in front of the apartment.

2:30am

The human is in the bathroom! Yes! Time to drink from the tap.

3:00am

The human has closed the bedroom door again. I will throw up a hair ball in her shoes. That’ll learn her.