positively zillions

Just back from Niagara-on-the-Lake. How was the trip you ask? Well, I’m currently sipping coffee out of a kick ass William and Kate coffee mug so obviously it was the awesomest trip ever. A. and I went on our first vacation without Budsie and man alive did we have a good time. Weddings and wine and six hour conversations including a glorious debate about whether or not it is worth divorcing me over my purchase of a William and Kate coffee mug (I obviously won, though I’m not convinced that A. doesn’t think just a little bit less of me now). A most excellent vacation.

On the resolution front things have been ticking along, but rather than recap all of the ones I’ve missed I’ll simply say that 75% of the resolutions made in the last two weeks have been successful. Not bad, really. Not bad at all.

No, instead of recapping resolutions, I’m going to use this post for a sample conversation between A. and myself. I should preface by saying that I have no recollection of how we got on the topic of ‘zillions’ but I don’t think that this lack of information takes away from anything. I should also set the scene by noting that the whole conversation was had in bed, in pitch black darkness at around 12am.

Ezmy: Zillion is totally a word.

A.: Yes, but it doesn’t mean anything.

Ezmy: What do you mean it doesn’t mean anything? It means lots. Zillion is a real word, a real number, and it means lots.

A.: It’s not a number.

Ezmy: Yes it is.

A.: No it’s not. Look it up.

Ezmy: Fine. I will look it up. I will look it up and you will be wrong.

*gropes around for trusty iphone, finds it and looks up “zillion” on Wikipedia*

A: Well? What does it say?

Ezmy: Nothing.

A: Nothing at all? Nothing about ‘zillion’ being a made-up number?

Ezmy: It doesn’t say ‘made-up’.

A: Really?

Ezmy: It says ‘fictitious’.

A: Aha!

Ezmy: Pfft, it has “zillion” in the same category as “gajillion”. Gajillion is obviously not a number. But zillion totally could be. And everyone knows that anybody can edit Wikipedia. It’s hardly a reliable source.

A: It’s not a word.

Ezmy: Then what comes after billion (note: at this point, Ezmy knows she’s wrong but is being stubborn)? Eh? Can’t answer that can you? That’s ’cause it’s zillion.

A: It’s not zillion. It’s…well, it’s….look it’s not zillion.

Ezmy: Aha!

A: *sigh*

*Time passes. Discussion moves on to chatter about other numbers, numbers that do exist. Conversation then turns to negative numbers. That’s right – my husband and I talk about negative numbers at 12:30am. Hot!*

Ezmy: …I always liked multiplying negative numbers. Because it was easy to remember that two negatives make a positive since that’s how sentences are constructed.

A.: What do you mean two negatives make a positive?

Ezmy: You know, like -2 multiplied by -2 makes 4.

A.: That can’t be right.

Ezmy: Well it is.

A.: No, that sounds wrong.

Ezmy: That may be, but it’s not wrong. It’s right.

A.: Pfft.

*Ezmy gropes around again for trusty iphone, punches in -2 x -2 and lo and behold, the answer is 4*

Ezmy: *gives phone to A.* See? 4.

*A. clears the number, punches in -2 x -2 and, unsurprisingly, gets 4*

A.: That’s bullshit.

I feel as though I came away from these conversations on top. Zillion should  be a number, after all, and -2 x -2 always equals 4. Double win for Ezmy? I think so.

Update: I know that trillion comes after billion. But it should be zillion.

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