may 9: power through

Last week was marked by a general feeling of awesomeness. I felt awesome every day. I chalked it up to loads of sleep, good food, water and diligent daily yoga. Fair to do so, I think.

I do not know what happened between Saturday and today (aside from Mum’s Day, which rocked), but I woke up this morning feeling incredibly lost and icky. Absolutely no idea why. Everything is fine: the kid is great, A. is great, we’re not starving, roof over the head, etc. etc. But I have no direction, no permanent job, and blah diddy blah blah and while most days this doesn’t bug me to the point of distraction, today it really did.

My original resolution for today was something much more interesting but as I seemed incapable of pulling off interesting, I switched to this resolution: power through. Tempting though it might be, on days when I feel lost I really shouldn’t let myself fall into pits of despair, watching endless bad movies and eating nothing but popcorn and peanut butter sandwiches. Destructive behaviour that gets me nowhere, particularly when there is a kid to look after. So instead of doing that, I powered through – yoga at the usual time, lots of good food and water, routine routine routine. I don’t feel much better tonight but I’d like to think that I’d feel worse if I hadn’t stayed focused. Maybe tomorrow will be better. God I’m inspiring, aren’t I? Yeesh.

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One thought on “may 9: power through

  1. Angela,
    Reading this gave me a lump in my throat. Sometimes I think the ‘routine’ part of our days are the most challenging. Despite knowing that all is good; kid healthy, loving husband and family etc you just feel ‘off’ and really really alone and not sure about the road ahead. The worst is made by the frustration that you have all the things in your life that add up neatly but that disconcerting energy still lurks ( I’m strictly drawing from from my experience). I don’t know if I’m hitting any bells, or how I can help, but I am here, in any way, shape, or form.
    much love,
    Sarah

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