>Where are you?

Ok seriously.

I’ve been dating properly since I was 12 years old.

I’ve had 4 serious relationships: highschool sweetheart, drug addict (everyone has to date at least one drug addict :S), messy emotional up and down fuckwit, and messy emotional up and down fuckwit times a billion.

I’ve dated a wide range of men and women from the lower to upper crust.

I’ve seen it all: bad loafers with steve urkel pants and voice higher than mine, the guy who forgot to mention that he had a gf and then didn’t see what the problem was, the guy who thought biting was cool (?), tonsil extractors (both male and female), the guy who gave a detailed play by play of his hockey game (2 hour conversation), the guy who spelt his name with the number 5 in the middle of it (Ro5b – seriously), the Australian who turned out to be gay, the Catholic guy who didn’t believe in sex before marriage or smoking but thought drinking like a madman was totally fine (last time I saw him, he was standing on Douglas St. with a giant sign that said ‘kiss the 20 year old virgin’…), the guy with the massive gun and knive collection hidden in his wardrobe, the guy who had to pee five times everytime we made out, the stalker who scared me so much that I couldn’t look at mountain bikers again for two years, the alcoholic girl who passed out everytime we went anywhere, the guy who left a 50 cent tip on a 50$ bill, the guy whose room was covered in pictures of himself taken by himself, the guy who forgot to mention he was homeless, the videogame addict who cancelled a date because he was winning an online battle, the guy who professed his undying love on the second date….and so much more.

The thing is, is that they all LOOK and ACT normal the first time you meet them. No one mentions the fact that they are cheap/with someone/gun obsessed/crazy/gay/homeless/narcissistic/alcoholic/drug addicted/etc right off. So then what happens? If you’re lucky, they drop some accidental hints on the first date but sometimes it takes two or three dates to realize the problem(s). And then what? You’ve wasted more bloody time. Sigh.

So where ARE you!? I’ve had it with this process of elimination. I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I refuse to go back out there and look for you. I’m done. You find me.


7 thoughts on “>Where are you?

  1. >My better judgement, character and life experience are all telling me your new approach is the only sane one a person can take. But consider – can you really trust this person to find you? Is s/he up to finding you? Is s/he looking? Your list seems to suggest that all the non-crazy people have given up, or died, or never existed, and you are therefore placing yourself at the whim of the crazy ones. Perhaps you should maintain your proactive approach in the hopes that you will find a diamond – or even a passable cubic zirconia – in the rough. I’ve given this topic some thought, you see, and it’s gotten me nowhere. The only wisdom I can offer is that, according to my calculations, it probably isn’t you.I hope and doubt that this has been helpful.

  2. >lycradog: I will eventually have to return to my proactive approach because, let’s face it, sitting back and waiting never got anyone anywhere. But I’m exhausted at the thought of it. Ah well.bombo: I have considered the idea of a dating resume. My thought is that the two individuals exchange resumes on the first date, which would actually only be about 10 minutes. Then you could call the references on the resume and get a sense of what’s up. A cover letter would also be useful, expressing intentions, any agendas etc.Sigh.

  3. >Damnit. next time you and lycradog are in the same town, you need to come over. The two of you could smarm the town red. Not much need for a resume in this province; you already know ALL the same people so references are easily available. :-P As for the non-crazy person for you, allow me to be all touchy-feely for a moment and suggest that you need to love yourself enough to spend the rest of your life with you and then you’ll find such a person. Not that finding that person makes anything easier, in my recent experience. Coffee. Soon.

  4. >I can’t offer any good advice on this subject, but Coldplay can:”It’s never going to give itself up”. Now you know I’m gay because I like Coldplay.

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