Once I had the kids, I started using this blog to draw attention to real life problems. Depression, parenting, abortion, posting abroad, healthy living. I think it’s important to write about this stuff, to be candid about these issues, so that other people do not feel alone. Because it sucks to feel like you’re the only one garbage is happening to. And things like Facebook, Instagram, and the dreaded parenting blogs, they all make it seem like everyone else is doing better than you are. Which is simply not the case.
So in the spirit of being open, and drawing attention to issues that some of you may also be facing, I’m going to tell you something: I cried today.
“Is that all?” says a longtime Ezmy Writes reader. “Ezmy, you cry over coffee commercials. And don’t get me started on Disney films.”
Yeah this was different. Today I cried in a professor’s office. Over absolutely nothing. She was talking to me, and I was listening and going “uh huh” and “oh sure” in all the right places and suddenly, I just burst into tears. The tears of someone who is clearly underslept and overdone. The poor woman – she didn’t know what she had said. Probably because she hadn’t said anything. Sigh.
I’d be embarrassed, but anyone who has travelled internationally with children has long since stopped caring about what others think. I stopped getting embarrassed by stuff around the time my daughter pooped all over me and I had to fly to Halifax covered in said poop. Or maybe it was when Ewan rolled around the floor of the liquor store screaming. Or perhaps it was when I was in labour, yelling at everyone, telling them all to fuck off, begging them to rip the baby out of my eye sockets because I was definitely going to die.
I don’t know, somewhere in there.
Anyway, it’s not embarrassment that troubles me now. It’s what the crying means. Because it’s not like this career is going to get easier. Still, maybe there are ways to control the madness. I’ve started meditating. And I’m pondering giving up *gasp*afternoon coffee, because it’s probably disrupting my sleep. All suggestions are welcome.
So there. That’s my real life post for today. Were you having a crappy day? Maybe it looks better now compared to this blubbery nonsense. Woot!