i thought about writing one of those posts where i think of all the wonderful things i’ve accomplished in my 28 years. You know, something of a look-how-far-i’ve-come-from
-the-days-of-eating-paste post. But i’m not in a look-how-far-i’ve-come-etc mood. i’m in a what-the-fuck-have-i-been-doing mood. So you get this:

By 28, i will have:

1) completed my phd in something spectacular: nope.
2) made an important discovery: this one is really vague so i guess i can say yes. i’ve discovered heaps of important things. have they changed the face of the world as we know it? probably not. do they include discovering the secret to making the best cup of coffee? maybe. whatever.
3) fallen in love: well yes. a few times. and there is that old saying ‘better to have loved and been loved a bajillion times than to not have loved at all’ or some such nonsense. that’s crap really. heartbreak sucks and while one could argue that it builds character, fuck character via heartbreak. help the homeless or work in retail. that builds character. still, i am currently in love with the l-dog and that’s a big something. yay for me.
4) gotten married and forced the world to deal with my spawn: no and no.
5) purchased a home or several: ha.
6) travelled the world: nope. although to be fair, i’m checking this one off this year. so perhaps my list at 29 will be more cheerful.
7) paid off my debt: mahahahahahahaha.
8) purchased my own car: that would be no. i should note too that when i pictured my first car, it looked silvery and convertibley. so definitely no.
9) quit smoking: um. sort of. i’m down to like, 10 per year [many of which, i might add, i smoke at weddings…so in the coming years this number could go up by a kazillion because everyone i know is embracing this tradition all of a sudden…what happened to my bohemian, grungy, anti-establishment generation anyways? going the way of our parents that’s what. it’s depressing. but i digress]
10) slept with someone famous: what?? don’t judge me. first, i made this list when i was like, 15 so there. and second, as if you wouldn’t be thrilled to go to bed with johnny depp, angelina or similar. but, to paraphrase a fantastic women i know, ‘one day, you wake up and realize that leonard cohen is not going to be helping you with the groceries’. that day is today.

Now then, to be fair to 15 year old me, my goals have changed. 10) and 8) are not as important as they seemed back then. Neither is half of 4) [my ovaries are not to be silenced, worse luck]. 9) is something i’m coming to terms with – i may never completely quit this but i have certainly succeeded in minimizing the damage. But 1), 5), 6), and 7) are damn important. So task for this year: complete/start on these four goals.

here we go.