(Scene: Ezmy is climbing into bed post-bathroom routine. A. is already in bed, calmly reading a news story on his iPad…)

A.: *still looking at his iPad* “So I’m just curious.”

Ezmy: “Hmmm?”

A.: *still looking at his iPad* “I’m curious…do you have some sort of competition going on with yourself?”

Ezmy: “…”

A.: *looks up, straight-faced* “Some sort of loudest toilet seat closing ever contest?”

Ezmy: “What? No! That was totally an accident.”

A.: *ignoring Ezmy* “…oooh, I wonder how loud I can slam it this week. Perhaps as loud as tectonic plates rubbing together? We’ll see!”

Ezmy: *sigh*

A.: *still ignoring Ezmy* “…the great thing about such a contest is that you always win. But then, you could always lose too. Like some days, you don’t outdo yourself. You just slam it as hard.”

Ezmy: *sigh*

(pause)

Ezmy: “Do you think that would be loud?”

A.: “What? Tectonic plates rubbing together?”

Ezmy: “Yes.”

A.: “Yes.”

Ezmy: “How do you know?”

A.: “Well, it’s sort of a tree-in-the-woods type thing, isn’t it? But one can assume…”

Ezmy: *ignoring A.* “Right, but you don’t know! It could be a soft sound. Like cotton.” *immediately thinks to herself that cotton isn’t a sound, but whatever.*

A.: “Of course I don’t know know. I mean, no one is actually standing next to them while it’s happening.”

Ezmy: “Ha. So you don’t know.”

A.: *sigh* “Yeah, but we’re talking about stuff rubbing up against other stuff…”

Ezmy: *snicker*

A.: “…in this case rock. Like lots of it. Fucking bashing up against itself.”

(pause)

Ezmy: “But you don’t know it’s loud.”

A.: *sigh*