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So today, A. and I put together a tentative wedding guest list to see where we are at with numbers. This may sound early to you but there is no way in hell I’m planning a wedding during the school year so bite me. Anyway, so we got the list together and it is exactly the number that fits the wedding location. And that’s if we only count the definites; that is, we’re leaving no room for undecideds. And most of our good friends aren’t on the list. Argh.
Problem number one: both A. and I have big immediate families (and by ‘immediate’ I mean first cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, folks, and siblings). Our grandparents on the paternal sides were big into babies. Our mothers’ families weren’t far behind. Plus our cousins and siblings (ok, my cousins and siblings) insist on getting married and having kids. Which I’m happy about and all, but our family number alone is a pretty decent size wedding. And the thing that drives me nuts about family is you can’t NOT invite them. Even the ones you don’t really like…they have to get an invite don’t they? Well, not necessarily. I mean, technically, techinically, there have been family weddings to which I have not been invited…close family too. Yet I am expected to invite these people. It’s a generational double standard. Or it’s a second marriage – first marriage double standard. One of the two. Either way, I’m not a fan.
Problem number two: our family and friends have children. Now, I’m a fan of kids. Love them. Hope to have them myself one day. But, and I say this in the nicest way possible, why do people assume that they can bring little Jim, Jane and the twins to the wedding? And p.s. why on Earth would they want to? I understand if the kid is still on the boob or if they are under 5 or so but otherwise, I just don’t get it. Unfortunately, there is no nice way to write “leave the kids at home” on an invitation. There should be, but there isn’t. I know – I’ve done the research. Martha Stewart didn’t even have any idea of the etiquette for this one and you know what? I don’t think a lot of kids go to MS weddings so she should really get on that. Say something useful, Martha, instead of telling me how to make a handmade bouquet from 100 roses.
Problem number three: the seating. I took a few moments to run some table numbers and well, it’s not looking pretty. And I know what some of you will say – oh, no one will care where they sit. That, my friends, is horseshit and do you know how I know? Because I care. I hate going to a wedding for a friend, especially a friend that I’m close to but whose other friends I don’t know, and getting stuck at a table with great aunt Sylvie and the father-of-the-bride’s single, and old, best golfing buddy. It sucks. People care.
Problem number four: children are dying all over the world and I’m wondering about who to invite to my wedding. Good. God.
ezmy writes 
>Good grief do I understand your pain. “but you have to invite so and so. You have to.” Keep in mindI haven’t seen that person in 15 years. I say invite whomever you please – but I’m totally coming, invite or no.And now, thanks to you, I’m going to have to plan the seating. Dammit. How does one approach such an issue? With drinks I bet. . .
>Because weddings were traditionally about pledging troth (and then celebrating that pledge) in front of family and community, both of which contain children.Many couples do ask people not to bring kids to weddings. Your wedding should be what you want it to be, not what your family wants it to be, imnsho.
>Btw, the polite way around it is to offer babysitting for the toddler-to-teen set.
>Radmama: babysitting!! you're a genius!! I just always figure weddings will be boring as ass for kids and teens. They don't really care, do they? Well, maybe they do. I don't know. Miss Knit: lots of drinks. Although there is a fine balance to be had there – too few and you want to give up…too many and your mother ends up sitting with a wildly inappropriate friend who gets drunk and tries to hit on her. Delicate situation.