>Late Night Thesis Writing Rule #1: When feeling slightly unsure of your thesis work, do not, I repeat DO NOT check to see if you got that scholarship you were hoping for. The result (no) will bog you down for the next hour and make you feel as though what you are writing is worthless (see, it was worthless before but you were able to convince yourself otherwise. Now where are you?).
Argh. I thought by going to bed last night that I would feel better about this whole thing, but I clearly do not. What really grates my vegan cheese is that I got the damn thing last year. My marks haven’t changed, my references have barely changed (and in a good way), and my writing hasn’t changed. What has changed is my subject area. The first time I got this scholarship, I was studying religion in global civil society, a pretty sexy topic. Now I’ve moved to a feminist critique of global ecological citizenship, a pretty sexy topic I think because it deals with another real issue. The term ‘ecological citizenship’ is being thrown around everywhere (policy papers, state environmental websites) and yet we aren’t even sure what it means, particularly for the poor, women (who make up a huge chunk of the poor), etc etc etc. But no. Apparently, it is not sexy. At least not sexy enough to get money. Boo.
I don’t think this would bother me half as much if I didn’t already feel unsure of where my research is taking me. But I do and so therefore it does. Bah. You know what this means? I need a new recipe to take my mind off things. Something with quinoa and colourful vegetables. Herb & Spice, here I come!